11/05/2008 Journal Entry 1
Hi it’s Emily, but you can call me Emiwy :3
I started this journal to talk about my all-time favorite book, The Fault in Our Stars or TFIOS for short! We had to read it for Mrs. Thompson’s English class and it was the hardest hecking book I’ve ever read tbh. John Green is the best righter of all time who cares about Charles D*ckens! It’s destiny that it’s called TFIOS, because I have FIOS in my house, so it’s a really relatable book lolz.
This book is suuper deep, it made me want to do all sorts of cool things like putting a cigarette in my mouth for art. My mom wouldn’t let me buy any cigarettes, and Janet from theater wouldn’t let me use the stage ones, so I just used a pineapple instead. I’m really allergic to pineapple, like one bite will kill me allergic to pineapple, so instead of eating it I just put it in my mouth and suck on it without swallowing. So far half of my tongue is swollen and I can’t taste anything, but it’s okay becuz it makes me look super swaggy.
I got kinda confused when Hazel was talking about infinities cause I’m in sicksth grade and idk what that word means. But, I do feel an infinity of love for my one true love, Chad. Chad’s plays tuba in our band and he’s rly cute (he was even cute before he got his braces removed). The other day I made a joke and he laughed so hard he snorted milk through his nose. It was so hot! I love Chad’s short curly red hair and shiny forehead so much I begged my parents for a saxophone to seduce him with XD
Unlike Hazel and her bf, we couldn’t go to Amsterdang (sorry mom said I can’t swear on here), but we did get to go on the Annual Band Trip to Disney Every School Takes together! It was my first time going to Florida, and it really wet my reed to go on a ride with Chad alone in the It’s a Small World teacups. I only turned green but didn’t puke all over him, aren’t you proud of me hahahaha
Alas (I think shakespear said that) our love wasn’t meant to last. Chad had to move to Michigan at the end of the school year, and no matter how much I begged my mom wouldn’t let me leave with him. God she’s the worst why can’t she just appreciate we’re ready for marriage after four months!!
I came up with the idea for a going away party for Chad, but not just any going away party, like a cool one. I wanted to do a pre-funeral like for Augustus, to mourn the loss of our would-be relationship. Stupid Mr. Williams our band director wouldn’t let me, and it made me look rly stupid when I was the only who brought a eulogy and was wearing all black. Ugh so awk.
When Mrs. Thompson made me review this book we had to give it a grade, and I gave the best book of this century 250,000/10. I wish I could talk more but I have to finish up my project for computer class. It’s a self-portrait like those ones by Frito Kaleo. Hope you like it!
This review was sponsored by one of our Tomestone fans, whose name coincidentally happens to be Emily! If you have any idea for a book you’d like for us to write about, leave a comment and we’ll try to make it happen.
Alex has an honorary doctorate from the Kim Dan Institute of Higher Learning in Book Reviews. He is also working on becoming ordained as a minister online.